No, I am Kayla.

So tonight while we were brushing teeth with the kids, Rosin, my oldest son, looked me straight in the eye. It was a deep connection. He is a deep kid. He was wearing a hat (always), a cowboy bandanna around his neck, and held a drum stick in his hand. Rosin always wears something different. He's not ready for the day if he doesn't have his "things". 
Whenever Rosin is acting like Spiderman, someone will say, "Whoa! Are you Spiderman?" 
His reply is always,"No, I am Rosin."
Tonight during our connection, I squatted down to eye level with him and said,"Are you Crazy Cool Spiderman Monkey Drummer Dude?" Stern but lovingly he said,"No, I am Rosin." 
We held the gaze of one another for some time without exchanging words. Then I responded by simply saying,"You teach me so much, buddy." Then he went on about his goofy way. Never will he know the impact he has on me.

Rosin loves pretending and dressing up in just about anything, yes even the Belle dress and high heels. No matter what he is wearing or doing, he insists he is just Rosin. It made me think. How many times do I wear different hats and try to think of myself differently than who I am? Am the homesteading housewife? Am I the shabby chic mama? Am I woman who's house is always clean? Am I the woman who doesn't yell at her kids, or yells at her kids too much? Then what kind of woman does that make me? Am I working hard enough at being healthy? Am I the fit, hyperactive, enthusiastic woman that makes you want to puke because of her utter joy in life? Who am I trying to be? What my two, almost three year old son revealed to me tonight is that I am not one particular thing. It isn't a this or that, pick one and leave the other deal. 

Tonight, I realize it's time for me. Not time for me to perfect myself, but time for me to be me. It is time for me to dance and rejoice in the person that God had created me to be. I don't have to be Kayla the Take Out Mom or Kayla  the Crunchy Mom. I just need to be me. And I am happy with that...really happy.

Signing off...Just Kayla <3 class="goog-spellcheck-word" i="" love="" nbsp="" p.s.="" rosin="" span="" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% yellow;" wesley="" you="">xoxo

So my best friend asked me to do a guest blog on her blog. She started shooting some ideas at me and I got all sorts of thoughts that I know can surely not be contained in one short reading like a blog. The ideas ranged from parenting, to homeschooling, to home birthing. As I begin this, I am still unsure of what this blog will contain. I think I'll do what most bloggers usually do: write about the subject near and dear to my heart at the present.

First off, I am really wanting to adopt sometime in the future. I say now, but my husband has put the brakes on saying, “Well, what about you calling me everyday at work because you are stressed to the max with the three we already have?” Yea, blah, blah, blah, my mind responds. How much more crazy could get? This is not about adoption, but parenting. I do not want to adopt just to say I have adopted and done my good deed. It is so much more than that. It's about love. It's about teaching little ones what life is about. What is life about? The world tells us to follow our dreams. This in all is a selfish desire. Yes, there are loves and talents we each have and have been given to us. But, I find it disappointing when an unplanned circumstance happens and suddenly our “dreams are shattered”. We are teaching our children to glorify themselves instead of God. I hold a high standard for myself and as such, for some reason, expect other people, especially parents, and especially mothers to meet those expectations. This is a downfall of mine.

I will tell you what I do and why I do it for starters. 1)When I knew I had met God's partner for me, I got married. Why punish myself and have a year or more engagement when I am dying to rip the clothes off of that man? 2)To have children. They are the joy of life. God's joy is embodied in them. 3)To birth at home. Yes, I did have one hospital birth, but will never again if I have anything to say about it. It was my first birth and quite a learning experience. I am not saying it's for every woman, but I also don't want to hear how they just made you do this or that...blah, blah.4 ) To stay home with my kids. Forming the future is not something I take lightly. 5) To become a midwife. This is a work in progress. I want to offer women the option of home birth in my area. I have already been given the name for it: Woodland Way Midwifery. 6) To homeschool. Do you know what your children are being taught in school? How are they being taught? My love for seeing the firsts doesn't end after the first birthday. I don't want to miss a moment.

Basically everything I listed in some shape or form has to do with parenting. As for the midwife part, I think how we come into the world, the environment, the people involved all play a critical part of who we are. That's another blog though.

A quote I recently read that is inspiring my days: “ The way you talk to your children will be their inner voice”---It changes how I parent and it will yours too. Happy parenting...if you're not forming the future, who is?

 

Wow, that was fun. I think I am going to start blogging. I realized I have a lot ro write about.

So today...

So today I woke up with one million things on my mind. I was thinking about weight loss, pregnancy and birth, and parenting. These are probably the main issues I will be blogging about. Today this issue is weight loss. I think about this a lot because I have always been overweight and have fought and fought and fought to lose it. It seems like when all is going well and I think I am making progress, I get on the scale and I have gained three pounds or so. What a bummer. I have spent my whole life trying to lose weight. I always thought of reasons to motivate myself, such as, looking good and feeling good. These are great reasons to lose weight. Then, when that wasn't enough I thought about my family. I have a daughter that is almost 2yrs old. I need this for her. Even that was not good enough.
I tried to find some reason why I would feel okay being overweight. I do think I am cute and I have nice curves, but I keep coming back with a desire to lose it. Last night it finally hit me. The reason I constantly want to lose weight is not even about me or my family. It is because this is something that God is calling me to do. This, right here folks is a case of obedience or disobedience. I constantly have this yearning to be healthy and never could figure out why I couldn't be satisfied with just being a little chubby. Now I have been enlightened with truth.
God has called me to be healthy. Not thin, not fit, but healthy. Some people are naturally thin, but this does not mean they are healthy by any means. Working out can make you look good, but that doesn't mean you are healthy either. Health, for me is based on some form of exercise aka chasing a 2 year old around, jogging, hiking, my new adventure of rock climbing. Health is also about what we eat. I used to think it's not about what you eat, it's how much of that you eat. Bologna! I know when I eat just one brownie I feel like taking a nap - compared to if I eat and apple and an orange (which have the same combined calories as a brownie) I feel great, not to mention the long term effects.
I look up to Jillian Michael's (the trainer from the Biggest Loser) as a fitness role model. Not because she is ripped, but because she is healthy. If you look at her skin, it is beautiful and this is because she not only watches her caloric intake but she only puts organic, nutrient rich foods into body and it shows.
To sum this all up, I know God has called this out for me as my next challenge and I know this is going to be a intense spiritual awakening I am going to go through. I cannot be who God has made me to be until I obey him. I cannot accomplish what I was meant to accomplish until I am living in the fullness of obedience to Him. I am so excited to live this new life that awaits me!